(there's a lot.)
- Irish films in which every word sounds like "shite".
- People who rationalize "I'm a better person for it" after every negative experience, despite the fact that you are never a better person for having lost your wallet.
- When your car has one of those pathetically high-pitched horns that implies: "It's okay, you can step all over me."
- Late fees for a video you didn't have time to watch.
- When the button you push on your remote control doesn't respond at first, and you push it again and get channel 33 when you wanted 3.
- Burger King's slogan "Have It Your Way," when we all know they manipulate us into ordering one of four basic combo options.
- A tiny dog barking at a huge dog as if it could kick it's ass.
- When the subtitles in a movie are the same color as the background.
- Cutesy product names that misuse the letter Z (e.g., "Cheez," E-ZPass").
- The strands of dead skin that hang from your mouth after you've scorched it eating microwave pizza.
- How useful the Internet is for stalkers.
- That someone thinks you're dumb enough to feel pleased that you only spent $99.99 instead of $100.
- Realizing that strangers watched you trying to push open a door that reads PULL.
- When you see veins and gray things inside the chicken nugget you tore open.
- High fives that don't come off quite right.
- After waiting 28 minutes to see your doctor, a nurse brings you to a room- where you wait another 28 minutes.
- When your eyes dart instinctively to the side because the man sitting across the aisle caught you staring at him, heightening your urge to look one last time. So you slowly pan your eyes back, only to be caught again, further intensifying both your desire to peek again and your fear of getting caught a third time.
- Realizing you were wearing the same outfit the last time you hung out with this person.
- When the car driving behind you has a ski rack attached to the top, making it look like a police car in your rearview mirror.
- Wondering if the person who used ".." meant "." or "..."
- When an audience claps to a song out of rhythm.
- That it's no longer acceptable for sailors to skip down the street whistling show tunes.
- Waiting for the pain to arrive in your toe the moment after you've stubbed it into the leg of a chair.
- The people exercising in a gym who look at your through the window, making you feel flappy and worthless.
- Any movie preview that begins, "In a time where darkness reigned supreme and heroes were few..."
***
(stay tuned for more at some later date.)
]
a neighbor's house
